Today is a high and low…

This is my Day 30 post, which means (by my measure) I’ve “established” Habit 0 (Blog every day). However I’ve got an evil case of Conjunctivitis, aggravated by staring at a PC screen for 12 hours yesterday (including 4 hours from 23:00 through until 03:00). I really can’t use the computer much right now, so this is going to be a very brief blog.

My wife took my measurements and updated Body Stats page. There are some inconsistencies in the way she takes measurements, so some numbers are up on last week. What matters is that I know my clothes feel more comfortable each week. I know I’m in the right direction. Hopefully the measurement technique will be more consistent from now on and show that.

Doing well on the Habits, but haven’t updated Habits stats for 2 days. I can’t use the screen much more now so will have to wait. I haven’t let myself down yet, so still happy with progress.

Finally, had phone chat with my Doctor on Monday to discuss blood test results more. Tests raised some questions, and I need further tests! This was unexpected and knocked me back. I won’t go into details until I’ve had other tests. Either way though, I think it’s good that I’ve already started this journey toward health!

Habit updates and more info as soon as I’m able.

In 4 weeks I’ve lost 4.6 kg.

I only had chance to do the weight measurements this morning (will do the size one’s tomorrow morning).

Good steady progress, but to be honest I’m expecting this ‘easy’ early weight loss to slow down soon and I’m a little suprised that I lost 0.9kg this week. I’m guessing the walking habit as a lot to do with that, and I think more physical ‘activity’ habits need to be in the pipe-line.

The process of focusing on positive Habits rather than the fundamentally negative of ‘eating less’ is working fantastically for me. My wife starting to change her eating habits having seen “the effort your putting in and how well you’re doing” makes me proud of myself too. And it increases my accountability more by making me feel responsible for setting a great example for her.

Best of all I had a great weekend with the family at the seaside. I enjoyed the whole thing without feeling guilt-ridden for eating fish & chips (I left the least healthy bits to one side and left plenty of chips), and without feeling guilt-ridden for not wanting to spend long on my feet on the beach with the kid (I paced myself and enjoyed sharing a 2 hour long walk with them).

I guess the suprising thing is that the most enjoyable part isn’t seeing a number getting small on the scales, it’s feeling like I’m taking control of this facet of my life. That I’m gaining momentum with it, getting steadily better at being a healthy person.

The “Tone Up Wheel” arrived last week, and I think that needs to be the basis of my next habit.

Habits

A Saturday with beautiful weather. Walked this morning (see previous blog), did bits and bobs round the house. I’m pre-blogging this as we’re off to Hastings now to settle into a hotel, get dressed ready and go off to a wedding reception, then back to Hastings for the night. I anticipate my 30 minutes walk tomorrow to be walking off breakfast along the beach So here’s where I’ve got to so far today, I’ll post another update it if anything changes….

Habit 0: Blog on JustBigBoned.com every day

Walk through the woods, this (and updated Habits).

Habit 2: When I’m feeling poorly I deserve as much fruit to eat as I want

Bananas and apples today to stave off the ‘feeling crappy’ blues.

Habit 3: Pause before eating. Take your time and enjoy

Still going strong with this.

Habit 4: Always choose one of the top 2 healthiest options

Had cheese toasties for lunch, but ‘cut’ the cheese using a potato peeler. Thin enough that I’m quite happy it was a healthy option. I’m anticipating this being the challenge tonight at the reception, but it’s a carefully worded habit – I don’t have to eat like a rabbit all the time. I just have to choose one of the healthiest options available. This way I get to feel good rather than bad if I eat a bit of something ‘naughty but nice’. It’s about building habits and gaining momentum in the right direction, not living like monk!

Habit 5: Walk a minimum of 30 minutes a day (or 500 steps in bad weather).

Previous post explains the hour long saunter through the woods that I had with my son this morning.

No opportunity for the following though:

Habit 1: Take a different walk through the train station

I need to start exercising, but I’m planning ahead a little here. Mainly because I’ve still got a cough, and I can feel my tonsils starting to get sore.

I’m happy with the progress I’m making so far on this journey. The emphasis on Habits is working well. Getting feedback from tracking my habits, and body statistics progress, is definitely helping too. As is the accountability of knowing that friends and family are reading this blog (along with some random visitors – hello).

However I realise that I’m in the honeymoon period right now. The time when it’s relatively easy to lose the last few kg’s I gained. I know that building up my fitness level is what’s going to keep this initial momentum going. I have been chatting with friends recently about their exercise patterns. I’m inspired by friends and family who play sports, and/or have a running machine or rowing machine at home and use it.

I think I need to build up some basic fitness before I’ll be comfortable in any kind of social sports environment. I used to love playing Table Tennis and loved it, and I discovered recently that there is a big league system operating all around where I live. That’ll have to be for later in the year, but I’m really looking forward to it.

Our house is just way to cramped with accumulated ’stuff’ that we need to get rid of, so there’s simply no room for exercise machines. So as a step 1 I’ve just ordered a “Tone Up Wheel” from BornForSports.com (less than £10 delivered). It won’t take up much room in the house, and I think at my stage it will give me much of the benefit of say a rowing machine, but with an emphasis on stomach and buttocks (which is where I really need help). Cheap, storable, and easy enough to start using that there’s very little excuse for not doing it. Well all sounds good to me – I’ll report more here once it’s arrived. You can bet there’ll be an exercise Habit close behind it.

Cycling is something I’ve enjoyed in the recent past too, despite feeling uncomfortable with how I must look perched on a bike. That’s something else I’m going to build up to…

For now I’m going to make do with walking. It’s worked for me in the past, and so I’ll do it again. As it’s the way we do things here at JustBigBoned.com, I’m going to do it in the form of a habit (designed to help me succeed) – so here goes…

I commit to doing Habit 5: Walk a minimum of 30 minutes a day (or 500 steps in bad weather)

Tomorrow is my turn to do early morning support. I shouldn’t still be awake at 23:42, as I need to get up at 05:00 !!! So the usual routine tomorrow would be get up late, rush out of the house and grab very very unhealthy breakfast at the station in London to ‘make up’ for the fact I’m on support (didums – poor davey wavey!).

I’m beginning to realise that time keeping affects diet, health and habits. I should be doing more walking than I am. But because I’m often late, I don’t have time to walk to the station and end up driving (or catching a taxi from the office after I leave late). Also when I’m in control of time I can plan for eating healthy food, but when I’m in a rush it’s just the vague justification I need to eat something unnecessary. There’s something to this, and I need to boil it down to some positive habits – more on that as I figure it out.

Suffice to say that going to bed late has a serious knock on affect throughout the rest of the next day, and it’s probably something I need to address soon!

Either way, I’m feeling positive generally as I can honestly say I haven’t put a foot wrong in 18 days. Even I’m impressed with that. I know it’s not about being perfect, more about building habits. Having this blog and the record of the Habits feedback, and the supportive messages I’ve received have all really helped. It’s such a simple and effective system for me that I’m genuinely surprised it’s working so well.

Goodnight all, and if you’re reading this on Friday, think of me.

Habits

A Saturday with the family in Worthing, Brighton & Crawley. Ate out at lunchtime and in the evening. At each stage I chose one of the healthiest options I could see. They didn’t always work out that way, but I’m deciding more and more that what matters is the fact I’m trying. If I can build that habit alone it would change my life. For instance, at Frankie & Bennys this evening I felt it was too cold for salad (freezing cold outside and we’d been walking on the beach earlier) so I went for the healthiest warm meal I could see – BBQ Chicken & Ribs. A quarter chicken and half a baby ribs portion, with Jacket pot. How on earth could I know from the description that the Chicken was fried??? But I tried. Further more (and very much in the vein of the burger ‘Bit But’) when it arrived and I realised it was fried, I took all the (lovely) greasy skin off, and I suspect much of the fried ‘badness’ went with it.

What I eat on any one occasion doesn’t matter, but having the Habit of trying to eat a healthy option will change my life. I realised today that I’ve been doing that since I started this blog, but now it’s time to make it explicit…

I commit to doing Habit 4: Always choose one of the top 2 healthiest options.

Habit 0: Blog on JustBigBoned.com every day

This (and updated Habits).

Habit 3: Pause before eating. Take your time and enjoy

Wow this made a difference. Have to say that for the first time in years I really felt satisfied after eating just a main course in a restaurant. This is the BBQ Chicken & Ribs mentioned above. I virtually never feel this satisfaction. It’s usually either lingering hunger, or bloated sickness. It was a great experience. I really enjoyed feeling satisfied. I had no desire to have a desert. Really this wasn’t me just being good. I was happy and full (without feeling ill) and just felt nice. Very very weird for me but very very cool

Habit 4: Always choose one of the top 2 healthiest options

This is the big one. And I’m sticking to it – I’ve been doing it for days, but the 30 day count starts here

No opportunity for the following though:

Habit 1: Take a different walk through the train station
Habit 2: When I’m feeling poorly I deserve as much fruit to eat as I want

Well tonight I had my first Big But. I think anyone trying to change the way they behave goes through this. It’s the classic reason for giving up on a diet. The great excuse for falling back…

My wife Debs cooks the evening meal for the family. Sometimes I’m home early enough to eat with Debs and the boys. More often I get back too late for that. Either way I phone Debs in the afternoon to find out what she’s planning for Dinner. I imagine this gives me something to look forward to, but in reality I’m just a bit of a control freak and like to know what’s happening in advance.

Anyway, as I walked through the front door I knew that Debs had prepared her homemade burgers for dinner. She cooked this last week as well and it’s lovely. Lean mince, quite dry, the healthiest version of a burger I could imagine.

Imagine then the scene. I’ve greeted Debs and the boys, and Debs has told me that dinner will be ready in about 10 minutes, she’s just got to cook the burgers. She goes into the kitchen and I chat for a couple more minutes with the boys before popping into the kitchen on the way up stairs to get changed.

As I poke my head into the kitchen I’m faced with a view I’d normally relish. Two juicy fat pink/red burgers, in a frying pan, bubbling and spitting away in a pool of oil, soaking up every drop they can.

This picture is like food porn for me. But my heart sank and I felt instantly sick. I looked at Debs and said all I could say was “BUT YOU’RE FRYING THEM IN OIL?”. I was so disappointed. I’ve tried so hard for the last week to do well on this health adventure. Eating fruit when I want doughnuts. Having reasonable portions. Eating more slowly and chewing lots. Today I even managed to pull off Habit 1. Only to get home and find the ultimate expression of what I’m trying to move away from, being lovingly prepared by the one person who’s supposed to be supporting me in this.

I went upstairs, and I’m not too proud to say I very almost cried.

I really felt sick. This was it, the end of it. In a few minutes I was going to walk downstairs and surrender to the hedonistic self gratification of fat soaked burgers. There’s no way I’d be able to blog with a clean concience tomorrow. No point in eating fruit or trying to exercise. It wasn’t like it was my fault. Debs did it, not me. I’d been as strong as anyone could expect, but Debs had let me down.

It was all over.

I lay on the bed and tried to figure out how to explain this to everyone I’ve told about the blog. They’d understand. Wouldn’t they? What if someone came up with a great idea for something I should have done. I’d be kicking myself tomorrow wouldn’t I. What might someone say? What could I do differently? What would I say to someone else right now in this second if they were in this situation? What would I advise them to do?

Well, the burgers could still be grilled couldn’t they? They’d only been in the fat for a few seconds, and the less time they’re in there the better right?

I called down to Debs and asked her to whip the burgers out of the pan straight away please, and then put them under the grill instead. She did.

Somehow in that moment of switching life around and imagining I was helping a friend in the situation, all the emotion dropped away. The sick feeling, the guilty pleasure of impending fat burger, the disappointment at failing, the misdirected disappointment with Debs. It just fell away from me. And with a relatively clear and open heart I could see the situation and a reasonable course of action to make it ok.

This, for me, is one of the biggest victories I’ve ever had.

Everything was ok again, but I knew Debs was upset. I went downstairs and explained to her how I was feeling. She was almost crying herself! She’d just gone into autopilot and prepared food as she normally would. We chatted it though, and we’re all good, but wow look how I had reacted to the whole thing. There’s obviously lots of emotion tied up inside me about all this stuff. I need to keep a careful eye on it. When I’m all emotionally charged up like that I’m not inclined to make great choices. Switching things around worked well. I’m sure there’s some NLP thing about this but can’t remember it. Something about looking at yourself from the outside maybe?

I’m going to call these things “Big But’s”. These events, these moments, which have previously pulled me out of diets. I’m starting a list of them so that I can look back at how I’ve made it past them before to help me do it again.

So I’m still “In the program”. It could so easily have been different, but it doesn’t have to be. Onward and upward.

One more thing occured to me as I’ve been writing this. The way I reacted only makes sense if I believed that this was some sort of good vs evil thing. Once the burgers had been in a pan with oil they were ‘tainted’. The devils own burgers, representing the ultimate sin. I don’t want that to be how it works for me. It shouldn’t be about that. It should be about habitually chosing the healthy option in any given situation. Taking the burgers out of the frying pan and grilling them was the healiest option short of throwing away Debs homemade burgers. I made a healthy choice which I’m proud of.

Here in the UK last week there has been a series of programs about various aspects of food and eating (Channel 4 – The Big Food Fight). On Thursday evening there was a program about how modern diets affect your body. The whole thing was quite moving for me, especially as the program culminated with the dissection of a guy only 16kg heavier than me, being compared with the innards of a ‘healthy’ guy.

The program was good motivation for me, but the bit I want to blog about was a little thing they just mentioned in passing about how chewing your food more can make you feel fuller (more satiated). I’ve done a quick wonder around the internet trying to find the details of the actual study without luck, but will press on. There are many many references to this “fact” with various contradictory explanations for it, but I’d like to find some proper research material before I spout about it.

The lack of research information doesn’t stop me trying it for myself though. That’s exactly what I’ve done for the past few days, and I’m not sure of the results. It has however lead me to form the next Habit I’d like to establish and commit to…

Habit 3 – Pause before eating. Take your time and enjoy.

As part of chewing my food more I’ve found myself being more aware about the process of eating. This has turned out to be a very positive thing. No longer am I in shovel mode. I’ve always said that I love the act of eating as much as the food. But in hindsight I have rarely taken the trouble to savour the act.

Since doing this I have found my hunger sated by smaller portions than I would have expected just a few days ago. Maybe this can be attributed to chewing more. Or maybe simply being more concious of eating. Or possibly just that I’m eating more slowly. To be honest I don’t really care why. The fact that it works (at least for me) is good enough for me to build it into my habit system.

I have to say I think it has a deeper affect than simply making me feel less hungry. I believe it might be able to change what eating means to me. Sounds heavy, but really 99% of the time eating for me has been about stopping feeling hungry (or sad or ill or some other bad feeling). That’s pretty sad really.

I’m beginning to realise that eating can be about savouring flavours, smells and textures. Enjoying the fruits of somebody’s labour. Sharing the experience with family and friends. Talking about the food and helping the children learn about it. That’s infinitely more ‘right minded’ than packing stuff in my gob^* so that my gut feels better!

^{* Gob is British ’slang’ for mouth.}

On Day1 I mentioned the 3 key things that I believe helped me change my financial behaviour: Habits, Feedback and Accountability. I went through Habits in more detail on Day2 and today I want to talk about Feedback.

I’m the proud father of two young boys (aged 4 and 5). One of the things that being a father has really taught me is the importance of feedback when trying to achieve anything with young children. I think anyone in the situation of helping a child take their first steps would instinctively give positive feedback. There’s no way you’re going to sit there watching them with stern indifference as they haul themselves up against a chair and launch out into the fearful world of walking. You’re going to hold out your hands , let them know you’ll look after them, and then call them forward. And as they hesitate teetering on the brink you’ll call them softly and positively. “That’s it, That’s it”, “Good boy come on”, “Almost”, “good try” etc. Positive Feedback is clearly a great way to encourage children to try something new and keep trying it until they master it.

Likewise, you’re not going to sit watching with bland disinterest as a young child picks up a sharp knife and starts playing with it. If you walk over and ask them to hand it to you, surely you wouldn’t just quietly take it to the kitchen without explaining why. Well I assume you wouldn’t. I’ve found myself launching into a 30 minute conversation with my boys, explaining the dangers of the knife, whilst giving them the uneasy sense that I might demonstrate it to them directly. Maybe you wouldn’t, but I’m guessing that one way or the other you’d give a child some Negative Feedback about the potential dangers of playing with sharp knives.

These are clearly important things to do. How likely were we to be here today just as we are if our parents hadn’t done the same thing to us?

Well I believe that this remains important no matter how old we are. We’re likely to do the things that give us Positive Feedback. Positive Feedback makes us feel good. The mindless inner us that I talked about on Day2 lives for these good feelings. If we don’t create our own Positive Feedbacks, then we’re just left with the raw functional feedbacks built into our bodies, and the (sometimes bizarre) psychological associations we’ve made as we grow up. That’s nothing but the mindless subconcious running the show again isn’t it. That’s what I’m trying to stop for me. Mindless Dave’s been running the food & fitness show for far too long and hasn’t done a great job so far. I want to reclaim ‘me’ back, it’s my turn to try.

So I want to make my own decisions about what behaviours I do and don’t want in my life. I know how powerful these good and bad feelings are. I want to set things up so that I get good feelings (Positive Feedback) when I do the things I’ve consciously chosen to do. I want bad feelings (Negative Feedback) when I do the things I’ve consciously chosen not to do. Now I get to choose how this works, and I like that. I get to take some control back.

Put simply, Feedback allows us to decide to align our feelings with what we want to achieve. There is an art to this though. You get to design it. Choosing the right ways for the feedback to work is vitally important.

Here are some things that I think are essential in choosing and setting up your feedback systems:

1. Keep it simple in every way
2. Make it regular and often
3. Make it very measurable (time/length/count/weight/kCals etc. If it’s a touchy feely thing do max of 5 categories eg. Mood: Ecstatic,Happy,Neutral,Sad,F*#&€d)
4. Define it properly so you can’t change the rules later
5. Set a target that is only slightly unrealistic
6. Remove opportunities for excuses (don’t rely on others, get spares, have a box to keep everything in etc)
7. Record it immediately every time (write it down then and there, and type it up later if you have to)

So I’ve got 2 feedback systems now. I’m going give each one it’s own page (links at the top just under the big picture), and then summarise progress in a blog post every time there’s an update.

Feedback 1: Habits List. I started this on Day3. It’s a list of all of the Habits I’m committing to, and my progress on each.

Feedback 2: Body Statistics. This includes stuff like blood pressure & waist size. And will soon include weight, body fat, muscle mass and more (once I manage to dig out my fancy scales)

So keep coming back, keep me Accountable (and there’ll be more on Accountability soon). Next post (in a few minutes) will be a Habits list update.

I said yesterday that Habits was one of three keys that I think helped me change my behaviour with money. I mentioned breaking bad habits and making good ones.

All very well, but why do I think this is so important? Well it brings together stuff I’ve heard from various sources in various guises. All the great motivational speakers seem to refer to it in one way or another. I feel it gets over complicated. At the end of the day, if you’re finding yourself doing something that’s contrary to what you think you desire long term, then I’ll bet there’s a Habit in there somewhere. Likewise, the things I did, the actual actions I took, that made the biggest difference to my finances, were the simple regular little things that became almost ritual.

Habits are like auto-pilot. For me I can find myself doing things out of habit that I don’t really want to do. Things that 10 seconds before I swore I wouldn’t do. I mean I really believed I wouldn’t, and yet suddenly there I am buying a burger at the train station on the way home! This particular example has happened to me more times than I can count. Similarly buying a pain aux chocolat from another shop at the train station on the way into London in the morning!

Can you see a pattern forming. So can I. I have bad bad bad habit’s associated with the train station. I thought about it tonight on the way home.

There are several factors involved. For instance when I’m about to get on a train, I won’t be able to get anything to eat for 30 minutes or more. What if I desperately need food before I get to the cooked meal waiting at home for me? Then there’s the smell. Strong, wafting, juicy smells that get my mouth watering instantly ( yes I bet Pavlov’s feeling smug). Then there’s the layout. In the normal course of events, I pass within 2 metres of the damned Burger ‘dealers’. Finally my tummy, which 10 seconds before was simply an inconvenient lump in front of me, suddenly becomes the centre of my universe. It’s growling, it’s aching, damn if it isn’t actually hurting it’s so hungry. I swear I feel the same as a malnourished child in Africa on one of those charity appeal films. Seriously in that moment it feels like that. But how can it feel so bad when 10 seconds earlier it didn’t feel like anything at all.

Basically in that moment I’m an eating machine being lead around by these pre-conditioned responses. I’m a mindless moronic thing that has to eat. This is what I mean by a bad habit. It’s not like I can have a rational set of thoughts right then. Some how I make up all of these really poor excuses to justify my need to remove these bad sensations and satisfy myself with what my body clearly craves. But again, if my body really craved it, then how can it begin so suddenly?

I have to draw the conclusion that it’s all made up. My head and my body is making all of this up. I’m feeling these things, and acting upon them out of habit, not because I, me, Dave, consciously chooses to, but because the Dave/Habit/subconscious has somehow taken control and is running the show. I think I’ve proven over the years, that facing these habits head on doesn’t work. This habit part of my brain can beat me hands down and 99% of the time gets what it wants. So what can I do?

I think the key for me is that this all comes on so quickly. There is a point as I’m walking toward the station when none of what I’ve discussed here is happening. I’m regular Dave, walking along, thinking what I’m thinking or listening to a Podcast or whatever. Then some moments later I’m the mindless eating machine. There’s no noticeable transition from what I can tell. But it does always happen in the same circumstance – the station concourse.

This gets me thinking along the lines of NLP ‘pattern interrupts’, but I can’t be bothered to get Tony Robbins to throw a glass of water at me every-time I enter the train station. Instead I think I’ll try a few little things and see how I get on.

Habit 1: Take a different walk through the train station.
I’m going to develop the habit of using a totally different entrance/exit, and take a totally different route to my platform. One that doesn’t pass the demon Burger ‘dealers’.

Coupling this with my 30 days makes a habit belief (more on this in a future post), I hereby commit to enacting Habit 1 for 30 consecutive days (that’s 30 consecutive working days – I’m not going into London on a weekend just to avoid Burger King!).

I’ll report here on my progress and whether it helps break the bad Habit.